23 Days - 5 minutes at a time

Here is the bottom line. Chris is leaving. Well, not the life changing, divorce leaving... but the "go out and support the family" leaving. He told me that over the next month he will be gone a total of 23 days. During this time he will be gone over 2 weekends and get to take clients golfing and to Cirque du Soleil and eat at restaurants. I KNOW that even though those are fun things, that he feels totally guilty for being gone so long and would trade them to be home. But I rely on him so much for support and help - that 23 days seems like an eternity to me!

Realistically, I know 23 days is not so bad. My recently widowed friend across the street is doing it all on her own and I am amazed at her strength. I would be laying in bed with a blanket over my head, but she is up every day - working out, learning to mow the yard, figuring out how to get the sprinklers fixed, ferrying her kids to sports - I am in awe of how she gets things done and stays strong - she has told me she is moving on with her life. What a healthy thing do. A friend from my Bible Study has 3 boys - and her husband travels EVERY week from Sunday night to Friday night... seriously??? She is another woman who does what she needs to do without complaint. I know friends whose husbands lived in another state for almost a year and military wives whose husbands are gone for months. 23 days - that should be nothing.

But, I find myself dreading it. So hear it is - Day One. I am choosing to pick myself up and face this challenge head on. I refuse to wallow in self pity and whine (well, except for the first paragraph of this posting that was a little whiny). I always do good when there is a goal that needs to be accomplished - and so here it is. 23 days - I will not whine. I will look for every good thing in the next 23 days and focus on those things and be thankful. I will use the next 23 days to grow and hopefully be transformed. I accept the next 23 days as a blessing that will allow me to become a better wife, mom and friend.

I recently read a quote by Charles Spurgeon. Someone asked him how long he prayed for.

He answered, "I never pray more than five minutes at a time, but I never go five minutes without praying."

Love this. In my life right now, with the boys still out of school for 4 1/2 more weeks, time is a commodity. I know that I can be a whiner - but by looking for some type of spiritual growth through this, I can see the bigger picture. I am at a bit of a low right now in my life - not a serious depression - but it has been a long, emotional and draining 7 months. Usually a "get it done" kind of gal, I am feeling a little bankrupt in my life. By continuously turning over small parts of my day to prayer, I remember one of the truths I learned growing up, " that God loves me and has a plan for my life." Ok God - feel free to show this plan to me!

I have started to read the boys Proverbs most morning. Reading it out of "The Message" brings a whole new perspective in a language that is relevant to my life. This morning in Proverbs 16:2 it said, "Humans are satisfied with whatever looks good, God probes for what IS good." I don't want things in my life to just have the appearance of good - I want it to be a deeply instilled part of my life.

Proverbs 16:9, "We plan the way we want to live, but only God makes us able to live it." And there it is - how I will get through the next 23 days. 5 minutes at a time.