Some people are going to read this post and think I am crazy... but here it is. Baby Zoe was born last Tuesday night. On Wednesday, I talked to the birth mom and asked her if I could come visit. I mean seriously - who goes to visit the baby that they are not adopting? But I felt like I really wanted to say good-bye to this little girl we have invested so much thought and prayed in. And while we have been disappointed and hurt, I have never felt anything but understanding and compassion for the birth mom.Anyway, she agreed. I didn't think it would be a good idea to show up unannounced - can't you see them locking down the hospital because they thought I was some deranged woman coming to steal the baby! Now that would have been a story!
To make things even more bizarre, the kids overheard me talking to the birth mom and asked if they could come see the baby, too.
So there we were, a brand new single mom trying to learn to feed. Three kids fresh from swimming and mesmerized by the new born's belly button. The rejected adopted mom (that would be me). And a darling little baby with more hair then my kids have ever had.
No one cried. Well, except for baby Zoe, who now goes by the name Bethany. The mom asked me if I wanted to hold her. When I took her from her mom, she started to cry. Now I know logically that she cried because she was just yanked away from dinner. But at the same time it felt like it was verifying that Bethany wanted her mommy... her birth mommy. I had heard of baby grief - they long for the person they had heard and smelled for 9 months and I felt like this was God's way of showing me that Bethany would have felt that grief. And that even though life will not be easy for them - it is the best thing for her.
In case you are wondering - what exactly do you talk about to the birth mom who changed her mind? Well, not much. We talked about normal baby stuff. How much did she weigh? How long were you in labor? How is she eating?
And most of all I told her that Bethany was just beautiful, congratulations and I am sure you will be a great mommy.
4 comments:
Oh, Cameron, you are so brave. Thank you for sharing. You are an inspiration. Love you.
Kelly
I started to tear up when I read about you holding her. I can't imagine how hard that was, but I'm glad you felt some closure and peace about it all.
Much love to you and your family!
Now to say this was so 'BIG' of you still wouldn't sum it up.
Seriously, the most level-headed mature full of faith mom in the world, my sweet Cam!
If it is any consolation, I just found out our wait time will be extended another couple of years :(
well cameron, you are a better person than i am. i would have cried the entire time. in fact i felt so heartsick for you while reading, i am writing this with tears in my eyes. again, i am just so sorry this didn't go through for you. but as you know you are already blessed in so many ways! i am glad though that the kids got to see the baby. love and prayers to you, julie
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