Adoption Sayings for the Future

I am not naive. I know that adopting a child from another race will be a strange idea to some people. I know that well meaning, kind people will say stupid and offensive things because they are curious. I know that at some point, I will need to have difficult conversations with my future daughter because someone said something mean to her.

This was confirmed at the two day adoption training Chris and I attended this weekend. Out of the 30 families there, I would say at least 80% were adopting cross culturally. Sweet Chris, who always has a kind heart, was shocked when he heard some of the things that people say to adopted kids.

I am a very open person and not easily offended. The majority of the time I plan to be open and honest. Even though there are some ignorant and racist people, I know that the majority of people asking questions are sincere and just not thinking about how they are asking questions or how it might sound to an adopted child. The best example I can give for my children would be to give honest, level minded answers that can help educate other people. However, it is fun to think of those snappy comebacks - you know the ones you always think of an hour after you needed it.

So I have decided to be prepared and start compiling a list of one line comebacks. Would love ideas from anyone else that has had this experience. I will keep adding on to the list as time goes by - so send me ideas!

1. How much did she cost? --Not enough, because to us she is priceless.


2. What is she? --A girl.


3. Are you her "real" mom? --What do I look like, a hologram?


4. Are her real parents dead? --Do I look dead to you? --Last time I checked I was still breathing.


5. Why didn't you adopt a white baby? --Because I fell in love with this one.


6. Do you have to feed her a lot of rice? -- Oh my goodness, you mean I am suppose to feed her?


7. What do you know about her real parents? --I know that her real mom took one look at her and knew it was a match made in Heaven.


8. Does she know she is adopted? -- She knows she is loved.


9. Wasn't she lucky to be adopted into your family? --No, we are the lucky ones.


10. Is she your real daughter? --More real than you can ever imagine.

Below are some not as nice answers I found on the Internet, but they sure are funny:

1. How much did she cost? --Obviously more than your education. --We had a coupon. --if you have to ask, you can't afford it. --A lot more than your trashy kids.


2. Why didn't you adopt white babies? -- well, I'm actually Korean but my face was disfigured in a rice picking accident. --Why didn't you? --We really wanted a blue one, but they were taken --we wanted to match our couch ----What, and deprive some nice neo-Nazi couple of a white baby? That would be selfish!


3. The Asian babies are really cheap, aren't they? -- you tell me, you seem to be the cheap expert here. --Not as cheap as your handbag. --Not according to our grocery bill. --They are cheaper if you go through Geico.


4. Do you have to feed her a lot of rice? -- are you feeding yours a lot of baloney? --Yes, I tried to wean her off rice, but she started speaking Spanish. --Do you eat a lot of spaghetti?


5. Does she know she is adopted?-- No, we took down all the mirrors in the house so she wouldn't guess. --No, she didn't know, thanks a lot for telling her. --oops, well she knows now. --No, we told her she was dropped off from a spaceship.


6. What do you know about her REAL parents? -- I know they are sick of stupid questions.


7. Is she your real daughter? --No, she is my imaginary friend.

Ha - it makes me laugh just to think about these! Seriously, I know that I was one of those "adoption question askers" before this all started. I HOPE I asked in non offensive ways, but of course I asked, mainly because we were interested in adopting and I wanted more information. I can barely see an adopted child without wanting to ask more about their story. I thought it was such a wonderful thing and we were thinking of adoption and I wanted to know more. I would say 98% of the people who ask questions fall into this category. We have had plenty of people ask about the cost of adoption and it does not offend me at all - many people have adoption in the back of their minds and this may just be a step in the process and it is a normal question and very practical. I am more than happy to talk to anyone about it.

But woe to the person that encounters me on a bad day... because I will be prepared.