Changes in our lives

I am not even sure if I will post this. Nothing is certain and Chris and I are still in the processing and praying stage. But here goes - and we will see if (and when) this actually appears on my blog.

Wednesday night everything was going along very smoothly. Chris had taken the kids to a basketball game with the cub scouts. I was getting ready to host about 5 women at our house for a PTO meeting to plan the End of Year Party for Meadowview Elementary. I received a call from a friend. Long story short... there is a girl that is pregnant and they wanted to know if we would be interested in adopting a baby that is due in June.

Well - that is a bit of a surprise on an ordinary Wednesday night.

Chris and I have always talked about adopting internationally. But we have never attended an adoption conference, met with an agency or done any of the practical steps to make it happen. We just never felt an urgency. I did realize that with the ages of our kids (not to mention MY ripe old age), that if we were going to adopt, it would need to be in the near future.

But here it is - out of the blue - someone almost handing this to us and asking if we wanted to move forward... quickly.

My first impulse was to say yes, but since I had not even talked to Chris I figured that was pretty rash. I told Chris, his first impulse was to say yes. But of course this can not be something that is taken lightly or a decision that should be spur of the moment.

My way to handle big issues is to research them. While Chris works well off instinct, I like to have facts and practical information. Since I know very little about the adoption process, especially domestic adoptions - I delved into an Internet search. Well, that is enough to scare anyone away! Holy cow - I was quickly overwhelmed by the amount of information and opinions.
We both talked to a few people. We both have prayed about it. I called a few adoption agencies to ask questions. I talked to almost everyone I know that either has 4 kids or have adopted - and if they have 4 kids with one adopted, well they were on the top of my list (those are rare - but they exist).

The selfish part of me remembers how I have gushed this year about how easy and enjoyable life is. I have encouraged my friends with small kids, "There is a light at the end of the tunnel! Just wait - it gets SO much better". I have loved not buying diapers, not having to buckle someone into their car seat, and being able to go to the park without anxiously watching in 3 different directions. It is fun to do big kid things with our children and not have to stop for naps.

No doubt about it, that first year when everyone was three or younger was very difficult - I call it "the dark year" since I remember very little. It is all lost in a fog. This year I have felt like the old me! I enjoy my one on one time with the kids. I read more books, I actually complete my Bible study (well, most of the time), I go out on girls nights, Chris and I went to Costa Rica without the kids - not only have I seen the light - the light is bright and shiny and fabulous!

This morning Chris left on a trip, so I took the kids to church. Not able to concentrate on the sermon, I started a Pros and Cons list. After completing it, it was actually comical to review. While some of the Cons are valid, like honestly thinking about how I will feel with 4 more years of a little one at home, most of the Cons are items that I am almost embarrassed to admit.

• Vacations will be more expensive
• I thought I might get a part time job
• Life is so easy right now, why would I mess that up?
• We won't be able to go skiing as easily

The Pro side was totally different

• This is the type of person that I want to be
• The Bible talks about how real faith is taking care of widows and orphans - do I really have that type of faith? Or do I just like to talk about it
• This is the type of person I hope my kids grow up to be
• This would teach all of us to be less selfish
• This would be another person we could share our lives with
• What will be more significant years from now, that I took a vacation or that we added a person to our family
• This will allow our kids to grow
• The kids are bigger now and can actually help
• This is more than I could have hoped for - an Asian (yep, international adoption without going international) baby that will be born in Denver to two people that do not come from a drug or abusive background.
• I have always been scared about bonding issues that sometimes occur with foreign adoptions, we would be at the birth of this baby and bring him/her home from the hospital
• Fletcher and Griffin will both be in school all day next year so that will free up some time
• We could offer this child an instant family

When you compare them side by side - there is no comparison. We will see where God leads...